Captain Hook vs Technological Progress
by Miran-chan
Summary: Captain Hook had always been proud of his ability to adapt to anything, anywhere. But these strange things called science and technology may just be the death of him...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own OUAT, or any characters from the show. I'd really like to, but, well, I do not own ABC either. The mad ideas, however, are completely mad, and mine.**

Killian 'Hook' Jones prided himself on being able to adapt to anything the world had to throw at him. Or worlds, considering the trade he was in. So, when he had landed in Emma Swan's world, he really did not think it would take long for him to adapt.

As it turned out, Rumplestiltskin was the LEAST of his worries

Captain Hook decided that he had spent entirely too long in this 'hospital' following his first meeting with a metal carriage that Dr Whale and Swan called a "car". Of course, while he was healing, Hook could not really complain - the food, while not particularly good, was wholesome, and the female nurses on duty were quite easy on the eyes. However, he had spent his entire time chained up, and lacking his hook.

So, while he could not move, he asked for the bed to be moved to a window and looked out of it, learning all he could about this strange world.

The first thing he noticed, while staying awake, was that cars were easy to get into and operate. More than once during the night he saw people who would come to a car, open the door and drive off. If it was fast, easy to operate and sturdy (and he really could attest to the last one), it was the perfect method to get away on.

He waited until past midnight before using a needle he had secreted away to pick the handcuffs and then rip the various tubes and needles out of his body. He then decided that he could survive without his hook for a few hours whilst he made his getaway, and crept out of the hospital via a window.

He chose a car a little distance away from the hospital. The red vehicle didn't look too secure.

Hook found the handle and pulled.

Nothing happened.

He tried it again, with a little more strength.

Still nothing.

He gave up and broke the window.

The car started giving off an ear-splitting screech and lights started flashing on the front and back of it.

Hook figured there was nothing for it and rapidly swung his still aching body into the carriage. He positioned himself in the driver seat, just like he saw people doing, and put his arm on the big wheel in front of him.

"Go!"

Nothing.

"Away!"

The lack of activity was rapidly getting old.

"Oh, just move, you infernal creation!" He tried hitting the centre of the wheel, which only made the car made a tooting noise.

By now the red carriage was making a cacophony of noise, and amid the swearing Hook looked up to find that he had made a crucial mistake.

In front of the car was its owner - a very pissed-off werewolf.

He looked behind the car to find an equally pissed-off town Sheriff walking towards him.

"Are you TRYING to get yourself killed?! Really, Hook? Really?"

Hook decided that looking sheepish was the way forward.

"Ah, my princess with the shining gun. I must say, you look positively ravishing tonight, lass."

"Don't, Hook, just don't." She pulled on the door handle and pointed at him to get out. "Be thankful that I got here before Ruby decided to make you into bacon. She has been rather hungry lately." She hoisted her prisoner up and dragged him back towards the hospital. "Ruby, pop round the station in the morning - I have his purse in lock-up, so I think we will be able to settle the damage with a silver coin or 10."

"Now wait a minute. You have no right to take my money…"

Emma pulled him back into his ward, onto his bed and proceeded to re-cuff him. As an afterthought, she also cuffed one of his legs that had sustained no damage in the crash.

"It actually will work out cheaper," she said. "If you don't pay up, Ruby goes to her insurance. If she does that, it becomes a criminal matter, and you will have to go to court. And, believe it or not, Storybrooke only has two lawyers. One of them, who does most of the business here, charges an arm and a leg, oh, say one gold coin per hour."

"Who's the other one?"

"Gold."

"Ah." he paused. "Well, lass, I do thank you for your assistance, but I am rather tired, and would just love some sleep. Unless you want to join me, of course?"

Emma threw up her hands at his leer. "You are completely insufferable. See if I rescue you next time!" She proceeded to storm out, leaving Hook to revaluate his assessment of this land and its strange thing known as technology.

**AN: Thanks to worryingly innocent for dragging me into the fandom. And providing the prompts... ^_^**


	2. Chapter 2 - The Hook in the Safe

**Chapter 2 - The Hook in the Safe**

Disclaimer: I still own no part of OUAT.

After Hook had been released from the hospital, he had found himself transferred to a cell in the sheriff's office. Normally, he would have just tried to lock pick his way out of there, but as Emma had explained, it would not do any good. The Blue Fairy had managed to enchant the cell for just these purposes, so while it would not hold Gold or Cora, it could certainly withstand anything Hook could throw at it.

So instead he had concentrated on annoying the sheriff while she was in the office with him. So far he had tried every pick up line on the woman, and found out that she kept his hook in a safe, with her gun, under her desk. Hook had broken into safes before, and figured this one posed no challenge. As a result, he settled down, and waited for Swan to make a mistake.

She did so on the 4th morning of him being in lock up. After escorting him back to his cell from the bathroom, she received an urgent phone call about an attempted break in, and failed to shut the door properly. All Hook needed to do was nudge it with his full weight, and he was free. Excellent, now for the next step - to get his hook back.

Locating the safe posed no problem - it was clearly visible, and quite large. Hook sat himself on the floor, and decided to study it for a moment.

There were no visible hinges - that made sense. This world had better engineers and metal workers, so it stood to reason that he probably would be completely unable break it physically or rip the door off. That left the shiny window and the numbers below it.

Hook stared at the safe. The safe remained completely impassive.

He leaned forward slightly and pressed a number. The little glowing window lit up and stated: please enter passcode. It showed 4 stars, so Killian Jones assumed, quite correctly in fact, that the code consisted of 4 numbers that needed to be entered. He figured that there were only so many combinations, and set to work.

All was going smoothly, until he got to 0049. At this point the text on the little window changed.

"You have 5 attempts remaining"

Killian swore. Of course it would not be that easy.

He tried a random number next.

"You have 4 attempts remaining"

He tried a few more.

"You have 1 attempt remaining"

In retrospect, he knew he should just have gotten up and left. Swan would have come back, set the passcode right, and he would try the next 50 or so combinations the next time. But in his desperation to get his hook, he bashed in a 4 key code.

For a moment nothing seemed to happen and he dared to hope that he had guessed right.

Then, there was a whirling sound and the window's display changed:

"Too many incorrect attempts. Safe on lockdown. Please contact your manufacturer for reset."

Emma returned from her long morning to a very strange sight. Hook was not in his cell, and for a moment she was afraid that Gold had found him, or worse, that he had escaped and had tried to steal another car. Instead, she found him sitting under her desk, staring morosely at the safe, his remaining hand hitting the metal container with a methodical, regular thud. It only took her a moment to figure out what he had done. Sighing, she pulled the catatonic pirate captain up, and led him over to her lunch table, sat him and covered him in a throw. She then started the kettle and proceeded to make him a cup of tea.

The man in front of her looked entirely too depressed for her liking.

"Fine. I will make you a deal." The captain looked up at her, his face still completely expressionless. "You told me once that your hook is part of who you are, and it's your way to pay respects to Milah. I get that, I really do." She could see now that she had his interest and attention. "You can stay out here until the repair man comes in. Then, I'll put you back in the cell, and once I have the hook, I'll give it to you, ok?"

"You would just… give it to me? Just like that?"

Emma smirked. "Well, you would need to give it back to me before you leave your cell. We can't have you running off. But you can have it while you are in your cell."

"And why would you trust me, lass? After all, I can fit my hands between the bars. Now, just imagine what I can do to you with my appendage."

Excellent. Now he was not only responsive, but leering as well.

"I trust you." With that she stood up and pulled out her strange communication contraption. "Let's call the repairman and get you two lovers reunited, shall we?"

Hook had to admit that once again, she had bested him. As had the weird thing called technology.

**AN: I think that this will be 10 or so parts long. I have a few ideas in mind for a number of those, but if someone would like to give me a prompt, please PM me, and I will see if my mad mind would like to write about it :D**

**Once again, thanks to worryingly innocent for proof reading this for me and maintaining composure when I burst out in fits of manic giggles next. ^_^**


	3. Chapter 3 - Hook on Toast

**Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own anything to do with OUAT.**

**Announcement: Being posted especially for Worryingly Innocent's brother, who has been looking forward to this chapter. PM me your thoughts ;)**

**Hook on Toast**

"Is there any reason why you are still keeping me in here, Princess?"

That particular morning found Captain Hook back in his cell, hook on, attempting to bait his jailer. He had been in here for just over a week, and being stuck in a small, magical cell was starting to annoy him.

"You had broken into a car."

"And Ruby had decided to not press any charges."

"You shot Belle."

"Funny. She does seem to be much better for it - not involved with the Crocodile anymore; no one will come after her at all. Really, I have done her a favour. And she too has not pressed any charges."

"The Crocodile, as you so nicely call him, is after your blood. And as he agreed to not interfere with the sheriff station, so this is the safest place for you right now. There is also the small matter of your working with Cora."

"Really Swan, I think that you just want to keep me to yourself."

"Fine!" Emma Swan sat up and walked over to the lock up, pulled out her keys and threw the door to his cage open. "Enjoy." With that, she turned around and stomped back over to her chair, picked up a magazine and proceeded to studiously ignore him.

For a moment, the pirate stayed where he was. Then, slowly, he stepped out of the cell.

Then, without warning, he made a dash for the door.

Emma did not move.

Less than a minute later, Hook came back in, with a rather sour expression on this face. "You had it enchanted." His tone was almost accusatory. "You gave me false hope, lass, and I don't appreciate you tricking me."

Emma looked up. "You could have asked, you know. I would have told you the truth. But no, you chose to run." She smiled at him. "Never mind. Let's get some breakfast, shall we?"

Hook admitted that this was a small improvement - he could now move around the building, and he had his hook, and could do SOMETHING OTHER than polish it and stare around the room. Maybe he could talk his captor into bringing him a few books so he could learn about this strange world. Or watch that strange box that kept making noises of people talking in the evenings when David was on call and kept him company in the station.

"What do you want?" When he did not respond, Emma turned around and walked to the kitchen. After only a moment's hesitation Killian walked after her. She looked behind her and motioned him to the open cupboard.

Inside was some bread. "Aha," the pirate thought, "something I can do." From his cell he could just see into the kitchen. As a result he would often see one of the Charming family making what they called toast. They would take a piece of bread, cut off a slice and put it in a big contraption called the toaster. They would then press the leaver and in a few minutes later the bread would pop out - crispy and warm. He had discovered he quite liked it covered in a sweet paste called 'Nutella', which seemed to be some kind of chocolate butter.

Dutifully, the pirate walked over to the toaster and fitted two slices of bread into the two slots. He then pressed the lever and was rewarded with the little pop that he knew the machine was supposed to make, and smiled at the success when he was the little metal bits heat up red.

So far, so good.

After a minute or so, the machine whizzed and Killian prepared himself to catch the pieces of bread. Nothing. He waited a moment longer, but the bread remained where it was, and did not jump out. The coils also started to slowly turn back to their dark grey.

"This is fine," thought the pirate, "clearly it takes experience to make the bread jump out." The next logical step would have been to turn over the machine and have the bread fall out.

The annoying hunk of metal was, unfortunately bolted to the countertop - quite reasonable he had to admit, as it could probably be used as a weapon, and it was unlikely to be something that the sheriff would encourage to be used as such.

Nothing for it. Hands, apologies, hand and hook, it was.

The metal was still too hot to touch, so Captain Hook did the reasonable thing and attempted to get the bread out with the hook.

At first, it went remarkably well, with his first attempt yielding him a nice, crispy piece of bread. Emboldened by the success, he stuck his hook in the second time.

Unfortunately, he had never really understood the concept of electricity.

Sparks flew as his metal hook touched one of the electrical parts of the toaster innards, and the Captain learned what it felt like to be struck by a tiny bolt of lightning. He tried to disentangle himself, but the toaster was, as he had previously noted, bolted to the table, and therefore the poor captain found himself stuck down even more firmly, electricity coursing up into his body all the while.

Emma gave a little surprised yelp and moved to the wall. Hook quickly though that she was abandoning him, just like on the bean stalk, when she reached for a black cord stuck to the wall and pulled it out.

The electricity stopped.

"Seriously, Hook! Can you not work anything without getting yourself half-killed?" the rushed over, sat him on the ground and checked his pulse. Electricity jumped between them, but she ignored him and got to work on taking off the harness that held the hook in place. Once she got it off, she checked his stump, "No sign of burned flesh, you got extremely lucky there. Just stay on the floor for a minute, I'll get you a drink."

She stood up, while Killian's eyes followed her around the room.

"One thing is for sure though - when I am coming back from New York, I will be teaching you just how to use electronics. I really do not want to explain how you died to the state authorities."

**AN: Thank you very much to everyone who has reviewed this so far. It has been lovely to be motivated again and make people happy. WI, you are a star for putting up with my mad ideas. ^_^**


	4. Chapter 4 - Fiery Kettles

**Fiery Kettles**

**Disclaimer: Would you believe it? I STILL own nothing of OUAT. Worryingly and I have a plan though. It involves having Hook teach us about ropes first, though.**

Note: Being in the UK, we are about half a season behind, so I have no idea what happens beyond the titles of episodes and my own logical leaps. I am assuming that Cora is defeated and is stuck under the hospital, where all prisoners seem to go for long term confinement, while Hook is released on good behaviour. Regina is forgiven and the two mothers have agreed to help each other - Regina gets him every other weekend, some weekdays and for Henry's safety, any time Emma and David end up working, or he's with Neal, to help the two bond.

* * *

Emma let Hook into the flat. While she had been away her father had the ingenious idea to renovate the attic, and move her bed in there. As a result, she ended up with a two bedroom place, which was connected to her parents and had room to both make food and have Henry sleep on something other than the sofa or in her bed, only to be woken up at 2 am when she had to go work. Of course, it also helped that she no longer had to look out for a tie on the door handle and threaten her parents for scarring her for life AGAIN.

"Alright. The bathroom is through there, and since Henry is with Neal this weekend, you can have his bed. It's late, so let's get to bed."

Hook's eyebrows rose. "Is that an invitation, princess?"

The blonde woman did not even bother responding, but looked wearily at him and pointed to the room where he would be staying. Without another word, she turned to go up her small set of stairs to the attic.

"Goodnight, lass."

He received no response.

Morning found Hook well rested. Although he was used to sleeping on the ground and the rather short bunk in the Sheriff's office, he found that this world had created a true luxury - a full-sized mattress. The Charmings had clearly invested in some quality furniture for their grandson, as the rather large bed was made from a nice warm wood and was incredibly comfortable.

The pirate proceeded to leave the room as soon as he heard Emma, or at least what he assumed to be Emma, moving around, making breakfast. He got up and slowly got dressed in the clothes that she had bought him the previous day. A red shirt with no buttons, a pair of blue trousers that Emma had called Jeans, shoes. He wondered about the 'boxers' that she had left for him, but decided they looked uncomfortable, and left them.

He moved into the kitchen alcove and saw Emma busying herself with making something in a frying pan. A pot of coffee was ready on the side and Hook made a face - he had discovered that coffee was not a pleasant drink to him, and wondered how most of the town seemed to be able to get through several pots of it a day.

Emma chose that moment to look up and spotted him in the entry to the alcove. She nodded to the counter: "Help yourself to some tea. Just fill that kettle with water and push the ON button. Should take care of it itself."

He moved over to the strangely shaped version of a kettle common to this world. He saw that this had a lid that came off (not too hard, good) and lifted this off. He then proceeded to lift the kettle up.

The bottom bit stayed on the table.

Hook startled and turned the kettle over, wondering if he had broken it by just touch. Nope, there WAS a bottom. How strange.

Emma caught his surprise out of the corner of her eye and smiled at him. "That's ok, actually. It is supposed to do that. The electricity goes from the wall into that base, and through that metal bit in the base to the actual kettle to heat the water. Simple and efficient"

Hook moved towards the sink, and turned the taps on, proceeding to fill the kettle to the brim. He then shut the lid again and moved it back to its strange bottom, fitted it nearly over and pressed the ON button. The kettle lit up, startling the pirate, and started to make a small hissing sound.

Emma chose that moment to take her pan off the stove and move to the small dining table. "Good job, it's supposed to do exactly that. Now, get me a couple of plates from the cabinet, and let's eat."

They sat down in relative silence, munching on toast and eating their way through some bacon and fried eggs. They both dared hope that the day would start off normally, without any dangerous encounters with technology.

The kettle continued to whizz.

Suddenly, the device sputtered and started making a sound that sounded suspiciously like coughing. A second later, the kettle started spewing out water.

The two sitting at the table stared at it perplexed.

A second later, they were no longer sitting, as the kettle had quite happily stopped spluttering, and instead went up in flames.

While beating down the flames, Hook dared ask the question that had been plaguing him: "How did it catch fire? It was full of water…"

This was the wrong thing to do. Emma rounded on him: "You, you imbecile! You overfilled it! Water boils. Water expands. WATER HAS TO GO SOMEWHERE AND SHORTCIRCUITS THE ELECTRICITY! You, you, you... PIRATE!" She followed this up with throwing the fire blanket at the astounded man and marching out of the room.

**Reviews: Thank you to everyone that has reviewed so far, it warms my heart that my story has make people laugh. **

**XoxPhoenix10 - Wonderful. I shall be borrowing those ideas and letting my brain run riot ;)**

**SibOlga - This is going somewhere. I promise. It just may take a few months of me getting there.**

**WI, I love you for proofing and putting up with me. This story would not have happened or gone far without you.**


	5. Chapter 5 - Importance of Having Towels

**Chapter 5 -The Importance of Having Towels**

Disclaimer: In my dreams, OUAT is mine. In reality, I just wish it was. The ideas, now that is another matter.

After the kettle disaster that morning, Emma was reluctant to allow Hook anywhere near ANYTHING modern, but had to concede that after being stuck in the lock up for several weeks, he probably needed a wash. She was placated, however, by the fact that the pirate has clearly come across plumbing before: after all, he had used the bathroom with no problem before, and managed to not break anything. And he had assured her that he knew how to work a bath as well, so having one standing up would be novel, but not extremely impossible.

She briefly explained that the hot water came from a boiler that could be switched on and off with a button that said: On, Off, and he assured her that once he was done, he would probably still have the presence of mind to turn it off.

None the less, she found herself holding her breath until she heard the sound of the water start. When no screams followed, she finally allowed herself to relax.

It was not 2 minutes later that she heard a knock on the door and stood to find Henry and Neal had decided to drop by.

Killian Jones was an educated man. He admitted that technology was difficult to master and therefore resigned himself to being taught about everything. He could, however, still read.

He had started with reading the various bottles that Emma had lined up in a little wide cabinet set on top of the bath itself. The sorted out the things he needed - something called Shower Gel, which, from the description, contained some sort of soap water, and Shampoo, which seemed to be a different kind of soap made for the hair on his head. He carefully stayed clear of bottles like: "Veet - do not use on face or near open wounds", and figured that he would be relatively safe with his current selection.

He proceeded to turn the taps that Emma had told him controlled the shower, and after a minute stepped into the bath tub. The water was a bit cold, but by fiddling with the taps he managed to get the temperature to become warm, and pleasant.

Clearly, this world had done something right.

The pirate started with washing his hair with the strange liquid soap. The stuff smelled of flowers, but right now he did not care much - he preferred to be clean than worry about smelling of violets or whatever the small was. Rinsing the soap out, he proceeded to use the other soap to wash the rest of himself, taking time to wash the residue of dried blood from where some of his wounds from the car crash had reopened in the last few weeks.

He leaned back against the wall, and just let himself enjoy the warm water for a while longer.

A good half an hour after he had gone in, Hook shut off the water and stepped out of the bath. He then carefully contemplated the switch and, just like Emma had shown him, slowly flicked it down.

For a moment, he could still hear the slow buzzing that Emma told him was the boiler. Then, it stopped.

Hook held his breath. After all, it could still explode…

Nothing continued to happen.

Suddenly, Captain Hook was overtaken by a peculiar sense of joy. The flung open the door, and ran out into the corridor, towards the little kitchenette.

"Lass, I did not break it! Nothing exploded, I did not break the pipes and the water did not burn me to a cinder! We must celebrate this!"

The kitchen was deserted.

"Lass?"

He heard a choking sound and swivelled on the spot.

On the small sofa behind him, sat Emma Swan.

She was not alone.

At this moment, she was carefully covering the eyes of her boy, wearing a smirk on her face, that was half laughing at him and half bemused.

Baelfire sat next to her, and looked like he was split between wanting to shield Emma's eyes and punching the pirate into the corridor.

Hook followed both their gazes down.

"Ah."

"I am very happy for you Hook. Ecstatic. It's good that you managed to not maim yourself. Or damage anything. I have just one request. One." Pause. "Use a bloody towel! There are children here!"

Her fury was so terrifying, that he did not even think of any smart and leery comment that he could have made. Instead, he turned his very naked bottom and RAN towards the safety of the lockable bathroom door.

**AN: I am very sorry I am posting a day late, but I have have weddings, viewings and various logistics to take care of. I hope you can all forgive me. All my thanks to my reviewers and WI :)**


	6. Chapter 6, Blended, Now with Added Hook!

**Blended - Now with added Hook!**

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the idea

Everything was going wrong. Firstly, Leroy had invited Hook to a cannery, where lobster and fish were processed and stuck into strange little metal tins. How that could be food was beyond the captain, but the town seemed to make a lot of money off it.

Now, he was being dragged along walkways and told to stare into large cauldrons.

It was incredibly strange, when Emma appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. She smiled, but it did not reach her eyes.

And then she pushed him away.

He had not expected this turn of events and stumbled. His foot caught on one of those strange black ropes that carried the electrical magic to 'technology', and he tripped. The momentum sent his body over the metal bar lining the walkway and he dangled off it by the hook.

In that moment Henry came out of the shadows and approached him.

"Ah, lad, if you would be so kind to fetch your mother?"

Instead, the unexpected happened. Henry reached for him. And quickly turned the hook.

The pirate went plunging down into the big metal container below.

He watched as Snow came up above him, and pressed a large button.

The blades below him started spinning and sucking him under to a gruesome death.

Had he been alive, he would have seen Mr Gold leaning on his cane in the corner of the factory, laughing manically, watching as his body was liquefied and sorted into little tin jars labelled "Lobster tail in tomato sauce. Now with added Hook!"

* * *

Rumplestiltskin woke up feeling happy and refreshed. He stretched out, being careful not to sprain any more muscles in his foot, and looked towards the open window. In the distance, he heard Henry's voice calling out what sounded like the pirate's name.

The Dark One turned away and sighed. "Such a pity all that was just a dream."

**AN: This one turned out to be a bit strange. I thought of this after Hook stabbed Rumple - after all, he set off a lot of truly evils things that happened later. Bad Hook - go sit in a corner. And dread me coming after you with a blender for the blunder. Thank you once again to all the reviewers. I have been given some truly great ideas that I plan to go with. The story prompts have been finalised, so it is unlikely that any will get in now - however, if you have one you would like to see, I can always start a new series ;)**


	7. Chapter 7 - Pink Bonanza

**Pink Bonanza**

**Note:** It must be said that last night's update was more of a crack fic that I decided to attempt. This is the real chapter. Hope you enjoy this ^_^

**Disclaimer:** Nothing has changed

Hook had to admit that his knowledge of the world was coming along nicely. Just a few days ago he had finally been allowed to use the dishwasher unsupervised, could fold out the sofa bed with little trouble and could help out with the laundry without too much trouble. He did lose two of David's socks last time, but Snow had actually assured him that this happened regularly and that socks did occasionally 'escape' the confines of the metal drum.

So, today was the next step - trying it without supervision.

Hook had had one piece of information thoroughly instilled in him - similar colours go together. Pale colours went together. Darks went together. So, off he went.

The pirate carefully loaded the big drum as he had been taught - some of the white shirts that Emma bought him, some of her paler tank tops and t shirts. After a moment of though he added Charming's soft grey turtleneck (he also planned to ask Emma where he could get such soft material) and the relatively pale red t shirt that he had worn on this first day out of lock up. He set the whole cycle on - pales, 90 degrees, white cotton, poured in the gel, pushed the button and was told by the display that the whole thing would take approximately two hours. He proceeded to clean up after himself, and left only the laundry basket out.

Then, with almost two hours of time to kill, off he went to Granny's.

Hook had to admit that the day had not gone badly. While most of the town was still wary of him, Granny and Ruby were clearly able to defend themselves and as a result were slightly more welcoming than the rest. Coupled with the fact that living on a wooden ship for 300 years made him a very capable repair man and unafraid of heights, they found a way to interact relatively peacefully with them. Today's request (more like an order from Granny, to be honest) was for him to fix up a leak in the Inn's attic, which was not difficult to do once he had climbed to the roof and took off a few dozen tiles, out in a temporary patch job and advised them to have a repair man look at the whole south side of the structure. In exchange, they had supplied him with a warm lunch: blueberry pancakes and something that Henry had forced him to try a few days ago - hot chocolate with whipped cream - and that has become his new drug.

He calculated that the washer was done, and stepped into the apartment with every intention of transferring the clothes to a dryer.

Instead, he found himself face to face with a very uncharming looking Charming.

Holding a rather small sweater in him hands. This particular sweater was a peculiar shade of greyish pink, and looked like it would probably be just a little too big for Henry.

"Look! Look what you have done! You have ruined it! Ruined it! How am I supposed to go out in public in this?" The prince looked quite honestly grief stricken, and Hook rooted around in his memory to figure out why he thought that Henry's sweater was ruined, and shy in the world it was Hook's fault.

He heard some one giggle. Looking up he saw Mary Margaret standing off to the side, trying to hide her smile. Noticing the pirate looking at her, she tried to, unsuccessfully, hide her grin, and said, "Hook, you may want to remember that wool shrinks in hot water, for next time. And red tends to leak."

She failed to suppress the giggles that escaped as the Captain ran past her with a look of utter horror. She then turned to her husband, "David, stop wallowing. He will be punished enough. After all, he will have to walk around in pink shirts for the next few week. Won't you just LOVE that?"

When Emma returned from work later that day, having dropped off Henry for his stay with Regina, she found her mother walking around the flat with a rather large grin on her face. Rather than tell her daughter anything, Mary Margaret simply pointed to the little closet room that held the washing machine and dryer, and let out a small laugh. Emma, feeling confused and left out, she proceeded to it, and was greeted by one of the strangest sights she had ever seen.

Hook, using his hook to dunk a number of (were they honestly a strange shade of pink?) shirts into a deep laundry tray of what smelt like bleach, muttering the same words over and over again.

"I will NOT wear pink!"

**AN: I hope that this is well received. As before, thank you to WI for encouraging me. All mistakes are my own, so feel free to point them out. I look forward to your feedback and reviews. **


	8. Chapter 8 - The Big Screen

**The Big Screen**

The first time that Captain Hook comes across the TV is the day that Emma takes him with her to dinner downstairs, to eat with Mary Margaret and David. After they have all eaten 3 helpings of everything, including the forest berry pie, Henry takes Hook by the arm with the stump and tugs him into the direction of the sofa.

"Come on, there's a good movie on tonight!"

The pirate, rather bemused, let himself be let to the leather seating and let himself be oriented towards the strange black shiny object taking up part of the living room wall.

The next moment, Henry reached for a strange looking black plank with white buttons with numbers and strange signs and pointed it at the shiny object.

Several things then happened, all the same time.

Firstly, Emma came into the room with a bowl of something that looked soft and fluffy, like a cloud trapped in glass.

Secondly, the strange shiny sheet suddenly stopped being black and erupted in colour, with people coming to life on it.

Thirdly, a bald man, looking directly at Emma, raised his musket and fired it.

And lastly, Emma found herself pushed to the floor by what felt like 100 kilos of pirate, her head carefully cradled in his hand and his eyes checking her over for any signs of blood.

For a moment, the room was completely still, as everyone took Hook's actions in, David in particularly holding still and tensed up. Just a few seconds later, however, Mary Margaret erupted into laughter, closely followed by Henry, and proceeded to help her very confused daughter off the floor. She then pointed to the television where Bruce Willis was killing off people left and right.

"He was protecting you."

Emma picked that moment to blush crimson, David's expression was split half way between respect, admiration and hatred for the man before him and Henry piped up: "See, Mum, what did I tell you? He's a GOOD pirate." The blonde proceeded to pick herself up from the floor, leaving the pirate where he was. Her mother moved around instead, and offered him her hand.

"Now, Killian, come off the floor. It seems that we have to explain to you what a television is." And with that, Mary Margaret was in full 'teacher' mode.

The next morning, David and Mary Margaret are faced with a novel concept - Captain Hook, on a ladder, attempting to push himself into the aerial, all the while patiently explaining that if the recordings get into the television via the cable and through the aerial, surely to get into a program all he has to do is go in via one.

**AN: Thank you all for continuing to read. I have finally finished all the chapters in the story, and am upping the release schedule to 2 times a week. Till next week.**

**Review! ^_^**


	9. Chapter 9 - The Plight of the Wii Fit

**The Plight of the Wii Fit**

With Killian having mastered the TV and no longer jumping every time that someone on the big screen shouted or fired a weapon, Henry decided that it was TIME. TIME to introduce the Pirate Captain to the wondrous world of computer gaming.

They had decided to start off slow. First, they played a good, old fashioned game of 'Shoot the Duck', a concept that was so simple that even Hook managed to master it on the first attempt. He even managed not to get angry at it when his aim was off - he had by now learnt that everything in this world took a couple attempts to master.

They then proceeded to play Super Mario - here, Hook struggled a bit more, having what Henry called 'jumping difficulties, and the pile of Luigi corpses grew quickly larger. However, by the end of a few hours he had finally mastered the process of making it through a level and could even do some of them on his own.

It was then that Hook spotted a strange white board standing off to the side, slotted under the video book case.

"Lad, what's that?"

His games teacher turned around and looked at the contraption. "Ah, that's the Wii Fit. Mum and Mary Margaret use to it to do exercises at home to stay healthy. And there are all sort of games to play. Wanna try it out?"

The man nodded and only a minute later Henry was walking him through the basics of the game.

"So, what is Sw.. your mother's score?"

"Well, mum doesn't really use it much nowadays, but it's usually in the 30 years range. Depends on how tired she is."

"I see you are having fun, gentlemen." Both turned together to see Regina standing in the doorway, struggling to keep her face expressionless at the sight of a pirate trying to spin an invisible hoop, like Henry was doing on the Wii Fit.

"Mom! What you are doing here?"

"Well, I thought that we have a lunch scheduled. I figured that we could go have a picnic behind the house, and then go by the library to see if Miss French has any books she could recommend for you. We could maybe read it together?" Killian felt bad at that moment. Here was a strong woman, forced to beg the boy she considered her son for some time and attention, her expression breaking into pleading for just a fraction of a second. Thankfully, Henry jumped off the board and ran to hug her. "Sorry, I was so excited teaching Captain Hook how to play, I forgot." He stepped back for a second. " You won't tell Mary Margaret or Emma that I forgot? They kept reminding me the whole morning."

Regina smiled softly, a mixture of genuine happiness of getting an afternoon with Henry, and relief of not being stonewalled. "Let's go." She paused. "Is it ok to leave the pirate unattended?" Henry turned back and contemplated his new game buddy. "Captain, will you be ok?"

Hook smiled. "Aye lad, run along. I think I can stay out of trouble for the day. Mary Margaret is around, and the fridge is easy to work. I am sure I will manage."

"Blasted hulk of, of metal!"

Two hours later found the ever stubborn Captain Hook in front of the TV, precariously balancing himself on one leg, trying to do something that the game called "yoga". The game suggested that he try some exercises to improve his balance and core strength, what ever that was.

Which found him in the current predicament, falling onto his side for the 3rd time in the last half hour.

Deciding that enough was enough, he redid the fitness test, hoping for an improvement.

"57? Really? 57? That is the best you can do for an test?!" He kicked the device to let out some anger at it. The feeling of satisfaction was somewhat dampened by the fact that rather than bouncing across the floor it skidded to a stop after only a few inches.

"Well, it doesn't usually have to deal with 300 something year old pirates." Killian spun around and found that in his anger, he had not heard Emma come back in. She was now leaning in the doorway, with a look of amusement on her face. For a moment, the man looked sheepish, but quickly regained his composure.

"Well, with all the EXCELLENT technology in this land, you would think it would be able to identify my true age. I am 34, lass, and have been so for the better part of the last 300 years.

Rather than look shocked at the information, his observer grinned and turned around, walking towards the staircase to her apartment upstairs, calling over her shoulder: "And you would think that a pirate would have a good sense of balance. Of course, maybe what you lack is flexibility." She stretched the last word out, leaving no doubt as to what she was implying.

For a moment, Killian Jones was too stunned to respond to the innuendo, and by the time he found his voice, it was too late - she had made her way upstairs, out of earshot.

He cursed, kicked the stupid board for good measure and yelped when the infernal device caused him to stub his toe. "Blasted technology - I really need to find a kraken to feed you to."

**AN: As promised, the second update of the week. Thank you everyone for the wonderful reviews ^_^**


	10. Chapter 10 - Microwave Minutes

**Microwave minutes**

"KILLIAN JONES!"

Emma came into her kitchenette following what sounded like an explosion. The sight that greeted her actually stunned her. There was no destruction, no singed Hook on the floor, nothing seemed out of place. Still, the noise had had to have come from somewhere.

The pirate was sat on a stool, looking rather intently at the silent microwave. Emma was about to sign the previous noise off as paranoia, but decided to investigate more closely instead.

Everything still seemed fine.

She pushed the 'Open' button on the microwave.

The sight was, for the lack of a better word, yellow.

"Killian Jones. What have you done to the microwave?" Clearly, the curse had struck again. The entire inside of the device was coated with a yellow, stringy substance , that oozed and bubbled from the residual heat, dripping off the sides and top toward it's maker - a singed, slightly orange lump of something.

The man next to her sighed, and brought out a book, open on a page with a picture of some European delicacy, which seemed to be made of molten cheese. That did begin to explain the state of the microwave, somewhat. "I thought I would speed up the process the way you do, and make you something nice for dinner. I have been here for more than a few months…"

Emma immediately softened. Here was a man who was just trying to do something nice for her after she had taken him under her wing. In the last 2 months he had started being trusted in town, and people had followed Ruby's lead and had him fix roofs and one local landscape architect (Emma didn't really know WHY Storybrooke NEEDED one in the first place, but since the man had been a Wonderland resident, it did make sense) had him trimming branches off various trees in and around town.

As a result he actually earned honest money. Money that she refused to take unless he bought something for all of them, like food or beer.

So instead of scolding him, she handed him a cloth.

"Lets get this cleaned up, and then we will go downstairs. Mary Margaret is a wonderful cook, and I am sure that she would be more than happy to teach you how to make something other than grills and barbeques. Then you can make me dinner the next time I am called in late. I am partial to seafood."

The smile on his face was worth it.

**AN: Please enjoy the newest chapter. I may not be posting on Wednesday, as I may be in hospital then :(**


	11. Chapter 11 - Strings of Gold, Part 1

**Strings of Gold, part 1**

**Notes: This chapter introduces an OC, Mira, who is, from a running joke, the Frog Princess aka Vasilisa Prekrasnaya (aka the 'flame bird, since this is OUAT), that WI and I have dreamed up. Her name is the more feminine version of the Russian word for peace. Since Disney have made a movie featuring Russian fairy tales, I am waiting for them to introduce at least one more character from one of those.**

**Also, I am borrowing Cam, Worryingly Innocent's construct and, with her permission, turning her into the snow girl Snegurohka aka the Ice Queen.**

Emma had come home to one of the strangest sights yet.

Killian Jones was sitting in her parent's living room at the dinner table in the company of her mother, working a sewing machine. And not just working it, but making clothes.

The Sheriff was rather surprised and stopped in the doorway, observing the pair at work. Both her mother and... Flatmate? Friend? were hunched over the machine, pressing buttons, feeding through material and discussing measurements. It was not until about 10 minutes later that Mary Margaret looked up, spotted her daughter, smiled, and politely excused herself for a minute.

"So, Sailor, whatcha making?"

The man was clearly not surprised to find her in the room. "Well, as we have discovered, my leather," his eyebrows rose, "attire is not very practical for this place. And the jeans and other clothes are nice, but they tend to rub my scars AND wearing a harness for the hook is rather uncomfortable with them on, whether it is below or above the layers. And quite honestly lass, wearing a shirt to a rooftop or a tree is just a waste of good material.

Emma nodded her accent, before realising that she had been very skilfully sidestepped. She decided to try again.

"And what is that supposed to be then, a burlap sack?"

She regretted her words instantly, when Killian looked up and fixed her for a second with a sad, disapproving stare.

"Actually, this is linen. Normally, it crinkles, but your mother helped me find a wonderfully crafted material that does not. This land truly has it's advantages." Silence. "It will be a simple shirt. Easy to put on with a hook, will withstand anything that normal work can throw at it. Nothing fancy and much like a burlap sack."

Emma could feel her face burn with shame. It was so easy to forget that he had a disability and difficulty to adjusting that she often found herself saying things that she did not really mean. Instead, she decided to steer away from the topic.

"So, how come you can make clothes? The sewing machine is not the simplest thing to handle." This was true - Emma could not, for the life of her, figure out how to work the infernal device and got tangled instead. It could be that her mother, who had warmed up to her new resident since he had come to stay with them, probably taught him how to use the machine while they were waiting for one pie or another to cook.

"Believe it or not, this machine is much better than the one I learnt on. It's uniform, controllable and I do not need to peddle away."

She raised her eyebrow, questioning what he had just told her.

"Well, Princess, I did have a family trade that I was apprenticing into. My father was a tailor. He had won his land from a vaguely intelligent ogre, back in the day. Told him that stitching with short strings was better than with long. Beat the creature into losing the land. Had to kill him, of course, later, but he had gained respect from the creatures."

Emma sunk down into a chair on the other side of the table, feeling slightly lightheaded. "Your father was the tailor who had a bet against the devil? And won?"

The man opposite her chucked. "Really, lass, are you truly surprised? The Crocodile is also the Beast and Rumplestiltskin, Jack was a woman, Cora was the Miller's daughter and Queen of Hearts. Ruby is both Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf. It stand to reason that any and all of us could be in more than one of your stories."

"That does make a disturbing amount of sense…"

They lapsed into silence.

Suddenly, Emma jumped up. Killian looked at her, slightly surprised by the quick movement. Instead of responding, she stretched out her hand to him. "Lets go."

* * *

Had Emma not overheard Granny talking about it a few weeks ago, she would never have known it existed. Two streets from Main was a large house fronted with a shop that read: "Red String of Fate"

The chimes above the door should have alerted the owner or shopkeeper to their presence, but the woman that sat behind the counter paid no attention. Everything was quiet as there was no movement. Then Emma's eyes widened.

The woman was stitching, only occasionally look at the design, and reading from a book at the same time. What was astounding was that the book was floating in mid air, always directly in the line of the woman's sight.

"Vasilisa?"

That got the owner's attention. She looked up, slightly confused for a second, and then a radiant smile broke over her face. "Killian!" Emma's eyes widened further as the woman stood. She was quite tall and reminded the woman of a willow. Her hair was a rich brown with hints of red, thick and braided, reaching halfway down her back; the eyes were a matching brown eyes. Emma's eyes continued as the woman flicked her wrist and the book FLEW to it's space on the shelf. Emma's shock was such that she almost missed the woman in front of her throwing her arms around the pirate and was lifted into the air and spun by him, laughing all the while.

Emma was sure that the feeling in her stomach was in no ways related to jealousy.

The two were exchanging giggled pleasantries when she decided enough was enough and coughed. Both turned to her. "Cam, we have customers!"

Another woman walked in from the back room, eyed the scene and rolled her eyes in exasperation.

"Nastiya?"

The new comer, who apparently went by two names (not that irregular in Storybrooke) sighed and pointedly ignored the pirate captain. "Apologies for Mira, Sheriff. We have not seen Killian in years, and she gets a little hyper when the man who introduced her to her husband comes around. She's not had a chance to feed him *cough*motherhim * cough* in at least three decades. Now, how can we help?"

* * *

Emma sat in a large embroidered armchair and watched the force that was now known to her as Hurricane Mira, aka the granddaughter of the original Frog Princess, aka Vasilisa the Wise, aka daughter of the ruler of the Netherworld ran around the store, opening storage bins, pouring over material and rattling off advantages of different cloths.

"Here you go. They will probably be a while." Emma looked up to find Cam, sitting down next to her, holding out a cup of coffee. This one seemed to be the more sensible of the two, so Emma decided to satisfy her curiosity.

"So, who were you before the curse?" Cam looked at Emma sadly. "There was no 'during the curse' for us, Sheriff."

Emma furrowed her eyebrows, not meaning to. Then, it fell into place. "You have been fully aware of everything for 28 years?! Like Jefferson?!" She was incredulous. It had obviously driven Jefferson insane - the two women must have been made of steel. And very powerful.

As though reading her mind, her companion took a seat on the sofa opposite before went on. "Mira is the daughter of the Netherworld ruler - the fire room, the mirrors - they are all in his realm. I am her distant cousin. She had spent her entire life under ALL the realms, never seeing the world, until Killian showed up, wanting to know how to defeat Rumplestiltskin. When Uncle would not help, Vasilisa and I offered to make the pain of his love's loss bearable with our magic, in return for taking us to the Enchanted Forest. Introduced us to Mira's husband as well - a fisherman's son. You can understand, Uncle was livid." She paused for a moment, and took a sip of her drink. "Of course, when the curse hit, we were amongst the few who could do anything about it. Not break it, but assure we would not forget or be separated. To write out own fate." She smiled sadly. "But let me tell you, 28 years with your own thoughts, stepping around Regina and the Weaver was a long time."

Emma had to feel the woman's pain - being alone in the world, not sure if the curse would ever be broken. Cut off from home and living in fear of being discovered. She was relieved when she did not have to reply - Mira swung around, winked at Cam and motioned for her to join them. "Killian needs some practical clothes, to fit the harness. Wanna join us?" The gleam in the smaller, almost blonde girl's eyes told her that neither of them were entirely sane.

And maybe it was better that way.

* * *

Emma and Killian stumbled though the door of her family's home two hours later, laden with bags of various cloth of all kinds and sizes. It was only once they had stopped laughing at their new and found anew friends antics that they noticed a very peculiar scene.

Henry was sitting on the sofa, Snow at his side with scissors, dressed in his favourite hoodie. He appeared to have stitched himself (or rather said hoodie) to the flower cushion and wore a rather grumpy expression on his face.

"I believe, Miss Swan, that the good Captain is rubbing of on our son. " It appeared that Regina was in their home as well and doing her best not to laugh at her son's predicament, no malice present in her voice. "He seems to be slightly inept around technology."

Henry piped up: "I only wanted to help. Killian made it look so easy. And I didn't want Mary Margaret to notice the hole." He looked genuinely sad.

"So you decided to stitch yourself to it instead." Henry nodded.

The four adults exchanged glances.

And then their serious expressions dissolved into laughter.

**AN: Thank you for all you lovely reviews and worrying about my health. Thankfully I have avoided the hospital this time, but am really weak, so the scheduling will go back to just one chapter a week. I am sorry, but at the moment I need to concentrate on not getting worse.**

**xxx Miran ^_^**


	12. Chapter 12 - Candy Crashed

**Candy Crashed**

**Hello All. Apologies for the late posting of this chapter - I was whisked away on a surprise birthday trip and only got back near 2 am local time last night. Hope you enjoy it, it's just a short one this time :).**

It was raining. Again. It sometimes seemed that it rained in Maine 8 days out of 7 on an average week. Particularly in spring.

The result was that the Sheriff's office on this day was filled with people doing paperwork or being bored. Emma was filing reports, David was doing 'inventory' of cookies and Hook was stretched out in a chair facing the sheriff's desk, feet on the furniture, playing on Emma's phone.

Emma sighed - the stupid Facebook game had taken over the lives of her friends and family. It seemed that Mary Margaret had succumbed to it after Ruby had introduced her to it a week or so prior. This was closely followed by Regina, who found it a novel way to while away the evenings when Henry was not with her. Now, the women seemed to have added Hook to the mix.

The pirate opposite her growled at the small screen and tried to complete whatever level he was on.

Then, with no warning, the phone rang.

Emma had set a new ring tone on the phone to make recognising Neal easier - Kelly Clarkson's words were quite expressive of their relationship. And this song was now playing in the office.

In retrospect, however, she realised that it may not have been the best choice.

"Because of you" rang out though the office. Hook, holding the phone, clearly understood that to mean him. He squealed and threw the phone at the desk as though it was a grenade or a hot potato.

Unfortunately, the movement meant that he lost his balance and toppled out of his chair.

While Emma was too busy laughing in her seat, trying simultaneously to answer the ringing device, she saw Hook pick himself off the floor and could see the accusing look in his eyes:

"I hate that infernal device. What in the world is wrong with smoke signals or flags? Or even a hunting horn?"

This set Emma off in new peals of laughter.

AN: Thank you everyone for understanding my lateness. The next chapter will be up on Sunday, as always. Reviews are always welcome ^_^


	13. Chapter 13 - Laptop Skewer

**Laptop Skewer**

**Hi again everyone! Thank you again for the beautiful reviews. I hope you enjoy the latest, slightly crack'd installment :)**

Emma had to congratulate herself on her good judgement. For once, she was able to manage to anticipate a small technical occurring.

Hook had just managed to put his hook though the keyboard of the laptop that she gave him. In record time. It only took him a total of 7 minutes 16 seconds.

Not that she was timing it or anything.

She calmly walked over to him and ignoring his cursing, proceeded to untangle him from the now dead device.

"You escaped electrocution by a couple of wires," she observed, "and if this was not so old, you would have cost me a few hundred dollars." The man at the table fumed silently and turned away from the thing that Emma was holding.

"Stop being so childish."

Silence.

"Come on, Killian, this is to make it easier for all of us. I really can't come running every time you need to find any information out." She saw he was about to open his mouth and cut him off. "Neither can everyone else at home. Not all the time. And Ruby has to waitress, and doesn't always have time either. And Lacey… Well, she would help, but I doubt anyone would let her."

Killian growled, but had to admit that she had a point. Plus, the internet was interesting.

"Good. Now lets get this fitted, and we shall start."

Killian Jones, the dreaded Captain Hook of the western seas, was being fitted with a little, pointed, cushioned prosthetic. To add insult to injury, Emma then proceeded to make him practice.

On a piece of cardboard paper with the QWERTY keyboard drawn on it.

Until she was satisfied with the accuracy.

For over 2 days.

**AN: You cannot imagine how much your well-wishes mean to me. I thank you for your continued support. Please PM me or review. I am always happy to hear from you. ^_^**


	14. Chapter 14 - Balloons (String of Gold)

**Balloons and Strings of Gold (part 2)**

**Hiya everyone! I loved the reviews and love the fact that all of your still like this. This is the second part of Strings of Gold posted a few weeks back. Enjoy ^_^ **

The day was going to be special.

It was Belle's birthday, and the whole town decided to celebrate, in light of both her finally regaining her memory and having a birthday. Granny was in charge of the food, Regina and Snow put their animosity aside and teamed up to make a large, tiered, chocolate and cherry topped gateau for the centre piece. Mr Gold had been instructed to take Belle out on Leroy's boat for a trip around the coastal area, and the rest of the town armed themselves with hammers, tables, bunting and plates.

There was a party to be had.

* * *

Emma ducked out of the tent that she just finished helping to set up, and came face to face with very heavily laden Mira. The tall woman was carrying several baskets of bunting and what looked like a massive banner. Knowing the woman, she guessed that most, if not all, was handmade. Emma grabbed one of the baskets out of her hand and helped her set the rest of them down. The other woman looked grateful, and accepted the lemonade that Ruby offered, when she walked past them.

Mira threw her braid over her shoulder and nodded at the woman next to her. They both proceeded to look out over the preparations. In one corner of the square Cam and Hook were on a set of ladder, the woman putting up the hand stitched bunting, and hook hammering various bits and pieces in, talking. Emma spoke up.

"Killian mentioned something about being close to you two. And I think he's down at your shop every chance he gets. How did the pirate get friends like you? And why does your cousin look like she's about to bite his head off?"

Mira smiled, her eyes misting over, clearly remembering some private memory.

"He took me from a gilded cage, and introduced me to a fisherman's son. And he took Cam to the real world. If it wasn't for him, neither of us would have had a real life - I would be stuck under the realms, in a world where time and life had little meaning, and Cam would never see the world except in the dead of winter. She actually hates all kinds of weather, but she likes to see the world in a non-dead state." At Emma's puzzled stare her companion clarified. "Nastiya is Snegurochka and the Ice Queen - Father Jack Frost's daughter. Known best, out here at least, for breaking a mirror and capturing a little boy while turning his heart to ice. Just to clarify, she was the one who went to rescue him from an evil Princess called Cora, who was trying to turn a little Prince into a slave. Made entirely of snow. Nastiya, that is. And very liable to melt if the temperature gets above freezing."

"Ah."

"Exactly. This curse turned her into a human, and with the magic, she should stay this way. Permanently."

"That doesn't explain why she is mad at Hook."

"Oh, that. It's his own fault. See, the first person that we met after Killian left us in the Forest, was Belle. She'd just been kicked out by her father, and she shared the money and the jewels she had carried off with us, to ensure we had a comfortable life. And she taught Cam everything about our new world. So the idiot SHOOTING her and making her lose her memory will be automatically despised, even if it is Killian. She'll get over it, but it might take her a while."

There was nothing to way to this at all.

"Well, he is being helpful. We shall be getting out his balloons out later today."

"Balloons?" Somehow, this made Emma feel very apprehensive.

"Yep. We showed Killian how to blow them up earlier with a little electronic pump, and he seemed to get the hand of it. He'd gone home a little while ago, said that the was sure that you had some at your house."

Emma for the life of her could not remember if they did, but since Henry's birthday was not that far away, it stood to reason that Mary Margaret had bought some. She shrugged.

"Want help with those?" She motioned to the baskets sitting on the floor. The other woman grinned. "Thought you'd never ask."

* * *

Gold and Belle arrived not long after this exchange, just as everyone had finished up with their parts and cleared the mess away.

The smile on Belle's face was worth every minute of it.

Emma looked out over the festivities, where the reason of them was milling around with the people from town. Leroy was telling them something right now, and the Sheriff was sure that he was telling them about the possibility of them using his boat for a dinner date. In any case, the librarian smiled and kissed the man's cheek, before turning to the next well-wisher.

Killian.

Emma immediately tensed, as did Gold, and she was sure that Granny, Ruby and Mira had spotted what was going on as well.

She started to move in their direction.

Killian was being very careful not to make any sudden or risky moves. He reached into a satchel at his side and slowly withdrew a package - a present wrapped in tissue paper.

Emma relaxed, if only slightly, and then realised she was now close enough to hear what they were saying.

"Now, Miss Belle, I understand that there is very little that I can do to apologise to you for my earlier behaviour, but I hope that you are able to accept this."

Belle looked over at Rumple, hovering at her side, who looked like he was torn between tearing the man apart or doing that to the package. Instead, he tightened his hold on his companion's waist.

The young woman smiled, accepted the package, and proceeded to carefully take off the wrappings. She audibly gasped, and Emma could see that several people tensed.

It was a dress.

The garment was a stunning green velvet, with some of the most beautiful gold (was that velvet too?) gold trim and plum leaf flower pattern.

Belle looked at the captain, a look of confusion on her face.

"I became aware that you had very few things when you… appeared in Storybrooke. I can understand how you feel and, by way of an apology, wished to give you something that you could call truly your own." He paused. "I was not sure of your size, but if you need any adjustments, I can assist. Or I am sure the lovely ladies at Red Stri…"

He broke off as all 50 kilos of Belle flung herself at him and enveloped him in a hug. "That is one of the nicest things anyone has done for me." She smiled, and then her smile grew mischievous. "As you said yourself, Captain, it am not sure I can forgive you. However, I have a proposition to make." She held out her hand. "Hello Sir. My name is Belle, the local librarian. Are you new around here?"

Emma sighed in relief. It looked like everything was in control, so she moved away, closer to the edges of the festivities again, our of hearing range.

All continued well, until the balloons were dropped.

"Oh no!" Cam and Mira had, as if by magic, appeared at Emma's side as she watched, in mild horror, the balloons and a dozen or so BLOWN UP CONDOMS rain down around Rumplestiltskin and his lady.

It was abundantly clear what had happened. Killian must have seen the condoms in the family bathroom at some point, but had not gotten to asking about them, so when the seamstresses had shown him a balloon, he must have assumed that that is what the strange rubbery things were.

Damn the man for being so logical most of the time.

Another thought struck her.

Oh god.

They belonged to her parents.

In every colour of the rainbow.

She was extremely glad that Mira had stepped in front of her by this point, and was muttering something under her breath, pointing to each falling condom and making it disappear.

* * *

Thankfully, no one except a few people noticed anything, and Emma and an enlisted Ruby had managed, between giggles, to persuade everyone that they must have been drunk and hallucinating.

Even better, Mr Gold had missed the whole thing completely, and at the end of the day even shook Killian's hand. Perhaps that relationship could really be mended.

As for Killian, Emma had decided that there was no point telling the pirate off - after all, he genuinely had everyone's best interests in mind, and there was no point of punishing him. She would just punish her father by having him explain the concern of a condom to Killian at a later date.

* * *

Emma found it rather apt that the 'balloons' had found a new home where they belonged - in Mary Margaret and David's bedroom. That would teach them to leave condoms around, when there was a well-meaning, but very confused and modernly challenged pirate about. How was he to know that the things were not balloons? After all, it's not like they came with an instruction manual.

**AN: Thank you for continuing to read, every one! All your reviews are very much appreciated and make me happy :)**


	15. Chapter 15 - Sofa woes

**Sofa Woes**

**Many thanks for last week's reviews. A special thanks goes to XoxPhoenix10 for the wonderful idea she had given me. Apologies for the last of mention, but I didn't want to give anything away ;)**

Emma looked proud of herself as she presented Killian Jones with her gift for him.

"Tadaa!"

The man next to her, however, looked unimpressed.

"Lass, this is just another one of those sofas. And it's smaller than the one you had me use. Have I done anything to displease you recently?"

Emma sighed and tried to think rationally. Killian Jones had been good. He had not gone after Gold at all, had been very polite to Lacey and even tried to steer her back to Gold, to everyone's amazement. He had been helping around town, to the point where parents no longer pulled children across the road when he came towards them. Thanks to Ruby's help, he even had some business as an emergency repair worker, unafraid to go patch up roofs during a storm, and plenty of business maintaining orchards on the southern outskirts of the town. He was even doing some forestry, and Emma was going to suggest to Regina that since he could leave town, they made him the local Ranger, with no danger of him losing his memory.

But he still knew that people did not trust him completely. And he did not know everything about the world. So it made sense he had no idea she was rewarding him.

"Actually, it's a present for you. Let me show you how it works."

"Emma, lass, I think you underestimate me. I know that you sit on…" He trailed off as he saw that her leaning forward, pressing some hidden lever, and the sofa folded itself out into a large, wonderful bed.

The man beside her was struck speechless, while she continued to gloat. "It's called a sofa bed. We use these here to allow guests and such to sleep in comfort when they visit. That way people don't need to keep a spare bed in storage."

Killian decided to test it out. He was on it, gingerly, and discovered that while it was not the most comfortable bed he had ever encountered, it had a pronounced advantage on the sofa he used to sleep on. For one, he would no longer have an imprint of flowers on his face…

Emma joined him, and after a moment flopped backwards. He followed suit. A few minutes of silence followed.

"Killian, can I ask you something?" The fact that she had asked, and not demanded an answer. She took the silence as confirmation. "Why are you no longer going after Gold? Don't get me wrong, I am glad, but it's not like you. The Captain Hook I know always has an agenda and would not give up revenge easily."

Killian scoffed at the suggestion. "I'm not giving up." Seeing Emma's face, he hastily amended. "I mean, I am not going to hurt him anymore. I figured I'd already done enough, actually. And it had occurred to me that maybe I had been manipulated."

Emma continued to look at him.

"Let's just say that I had met Neal before." And there it was, the little bit of light going out of her eyes, thinking he lied again. "I only realised a week or so ago, when I heard him tell Henry about Neverland. I used to know him as Bae, you know?" Now his companion's face looked incredulous. He continued. "After Milah was murdered, I went there. And found a young boy, who told me about being abandoned by his mother and then his father. I took him under my wing and taught him to defend himself, pick locks, the like. Told him about how horrid the crocodile was. Took me a while to work out who he had been." He fell silent. "Milah had not mentioned him. Even once. When I had asked her who the child I had seen with her husband was right after I took her away, that first day, she shrugged and said it had been a child Rumplestiltskin had adopted to inherit his trade."

He fell silent.

"How could she just disown him like that?"

Emma had no word for him.

"The Crocodile is still a coward. But even I have to admit that casting a curse that could kill everyone, including oneself, in order to find your most precious person? Live 300 years in despair to do so? I cannot forgive him, but I do think he is punished enough. The son he loved and risked everything for has been turned against him by me, the woman he truly loves has forgotten him. And yet, he does not give up."

"And then, Henry lent me his book. Imagine how I felt when I found out that the only reason she left him was because she didn't want children? She had affairs, even after she joined my crew. And I was too blinded by her to see."

Emma looked on, holding her breath.

"So, lass, I do not plan to hurt him, unless he rips the heart of someone out again." He stopped talking and rolled over to face the saviour. Their faces were only a few inches apart.

She swallowed.

"It appears, princess, that you have found yourself in my bed." One of the eyebrows went up suggestively, and his usual grin spread over his face. "Since I am such a good host, how would you like to me entertain you."

The last words came out as she had expected - a breathy innuendo. She was surprised, however, to find that her throat was dry and her face slowly turning red. She pushed away and sat up.

"Well, I ll leave you to settle in. The switch is over there." She walked out, and towards the apartment door, heading out for the office.

* * *

So, how did this thing work again. Killian figured that if he wanted to manoeuvre around the flat, he would need to fold the thing away. However, since he had no idea how to do it without breaking the thing, he decided to follow Emma's instructions. Right, switch on the side, somewhere under the cushions.

He reached around the side, and tried to find the button.

Nope, nothing.

He tried again. Still, he felt nothing.

The logical solution was to look for the button rather than searching blindly. So he climbed onto the bed and felt around with his hand.

And then he found the button. And pressed it.

Emma came home several hours later, intent on having lunch and seeing how Killian was getting on with his new toy.

The flat was incredibly quiet, nothing stirring. This was strange, as the presence of boots suggested that someone, at least, was in.

She walked though the flat searching. There was no one downstairs, and he was not in her room or in Henry's. She checked the bathrooms and came up empty.

She checked the back garden and the roof, but those were empty as well.

Perplexed, she wondered to their 'living room' and sat herself down on the sofa.

A second later she was promptly off it, having heard an "OW!"

Everything was silent for a second, as she looked around for the source of the voice.

"Lass, are you going to help me out?"

The sofa just spoke.

It took her only a second to reach the conclusion of what must have happened. It took her only one more to spring into action and work her hand to the button, releasing her flat mate.

Killian Jones lay at the bottom of the sofa cavity, looking rather uncomfortable, having been squished by all matter of metal parts.

"Am I to assume that you are still unhappy with me, for what ever reason? I have not gone after the Crocodile or his lady, as promised. And yet, this is your reward to me?"

* * *

It took her several hours to get him to safely work the sofa, but come night, he refused to sleep on it for fear that he would be swallowed by it.

In the end, she ended up changing to pyjamas and joining him with her own pillow and covers to convince him of its safety.

That, she figured, must have been his plan after all. He was certainly mastering the tech and doing so in cunning ways.

**AN: Unfortunately, I am down with both a cold and writer's block. But I can promise you that the next chapter will be here on Sunday, as always. ^_^**


	16. Chapter 16 - Cash Point

**Cash point**

**I am back! I am sorry for missing last night posting - still have not seen the new episode and forgot that I post on Sundays, not on Mondays :P Please enjoy the new chapter and thank you for the wonderful reviews. Kou Shun'u, water does not expand - but I m sure that explanation satisfies Hook as to how water behaves when boiled and bubbling. And yes, my washing machine averages 1 hr 50 per wash. And I m sure he would be fine with pink. But not with charming giggling in the background ;)**

Today was a monumental occasion.

With Regina's assistance, Emma had managed to procure Hook a legitimate identity and Social Security number. In turn, it now meant that he could use things like the bank for actually storing money rather than exchanging gold and silver (actual real pirate) Doubloons for dollars.

Today, he would be collecting his first salary from the cash point.

Following the work that he was doing, Mira's accountant husband had suggested that, since he had to pay tax, he might as well do everything legitimately, and had helped him organise employment records, get a CV and set up a contract for the work he did for the landscape architect. This meant that he got paid more, and no longer under a table, and it came at a set time. Both he and Emma agreed that this was a good thing, and would be good to have a regular stream of cash added to the household's income.

Today, he would get to feel that money in his hands.

Killian calmly approached the 'hole in the wall' and inserted his bank card into the slot.

There was a soft whizzing sound, and the card is t gently sucked in. So far so good.

The machine displayed the following: "Please enter your PIN"

Below, it read in smaller writing: "Be sure to shield your PIN from others to prevent your details being stolen."

As there was no one but Emma in the vicinity, and since she was likely to get a large portion of the money anyway, he punches in the numbers on the letter he was given confidently, with her watching and nodding over his shoulder.

Everything seems to be going fine.

Then a message comes up on the screen:

"Fatal error."

Killian's stomach drops. It seems that his curse involving technology has not left him. Next to him, Emma makes a strangled noise of disbelief, pulling the letter out of his hand and double checking the numbers.

Another messages comes on screen.

"Your card is being shredded. We apologise for the inconvenience."

The way the pirate reacts is a mark of just how much he has changed in the last few months. Rather than hit the offending device, shout at it or attempt to dismember (de-circuit could be more appropriate though) the electronic screen and number pad, he leans against the wall and sags down. He stays there for a moment, eyes closed and completely silent, to the point where Emma beings to worry that her flat mate has fallen asleep, leaning against the ATM.

After a long moment, he exhales a breath she does not realise he was holding, and looks resigned to his fate. He pulls out the paperwork from his pocket and, taking her hand, goes over to the bank cashier to explain the situation.

* * *

He never again goes near the machine, preferring to deal directly with the staff who will not, without a very good reason, take away his money or the method of getting it.

They also never really stop holding hands.

**AN: I hope you like this. Only 4 more chapters to go. Lets hope I find a place to live by than, or I will be panicking with living under a bridge. ^_^**


	17. Chapter 17 - Torched

**Torched**

**Hello All! here is a little silly installment of the story. There are only 3 more chapters to go after this, so I hope you enjoy it. One a happy side note, my other half (henceforth known as Mr Miran) has completed a Half marathon today :) So this chapter is dedicated to him and his adorable silliness and relentless perseverance and dedication. **

"Lass, what magic is this?"

Emma rolled her eyes. The evening was going well to begin with, herself, Killian, Mary Margaret, David and Hook having dinner downstairs. They were just finishing dessert when the power decided to fail on them, making it impossible to do anything that they usually did, like watching television. It was early summer, and the days were getting longer, but not so long as within half an hour they were plunged into darkness. So the household proceeded to take out candles and torches and place them around the house. Emma had handed Killian a torch, and now he was fascinated by it.

"Not magic. This is electric, like the lights and the stove."

The pirate scrunched his eyebrows together.

"I thought that electricity came out of those socket things in the walls. Or was produced by those large roaring things… engines, right?... Like the ones in cars?"

She smiled. It was endearing how much he had learnt in the last few months, and how well adjusted he had become over time. It was so hard to remember that sometime he was new here, and everything was full of wonder, and thus had to be magic.

The fumbled with her own torch and proceeded to explain the basics of batteries. She then had to explain to him that not EVERYTHING could function on both, and no, he could not carry around a portable kettle to make tea in with batteries, since those would not work (she elected to not tell him about the travel range, since Storybrooke didn't actually carry it.

They spent the rest of the evening playing card games by torch light, provided by Killian, who was enamored with his latest toy. Emma dreaded him ever coming across a laser pen. She had a strange feeling that he would attempt to replicate the behavior of a kitten, should he encounter one.

* * *

In the morning, she was awoken by peals of laughter from her son and what sounded like a choked cry from Killian. Coming to the bathroom door, she saw the pirate looking upset in front of the mirror. It only took her a few moments to understand why.

The pirates normally attractive face was covered in massive welts. His eyes were swollen almost shut, his nose was massively enlarged on the side, his cheeks were covered in swellings and there was a particularly painful one in the middle of his forehead.

"You fell asleep with the torch in your hands, didn't you?"

The man somehow managed to look simultaneously disgruntled, sheepish and 'Who? Me?', before sighing and nodding. "Manathed to geth bitthen within incth of my lithe."

Emma giggled and, seemingly ignoring him, leaned over to open the bathroom cabinet. Killian's eyes flashed hurt until she turned back to him, a tube of something in her hand. She pointed at the side of the bath. "Sit."

He obediently sat on the edge and turned his face up, while Emma opened the tube and proceeded to dab the cream all over him, not flinching despite the stinging pain.

When she finished applying the remedy, she recapped the tube, but stayed where she was, leaning over him, face only a few inches above his. When she spoke, her voice was gentle, unlike the mocking tone she had before. "You ok?" He nodded just a little, not breaking eye contact.

He was surprised when she leaned the rest of the way down and kissed the top of his head. "Just remember, turn off the torch when you go to sleep. You are not Henry's age. And you really should stop playing with tech - I'd really like to keep you alive, pirate."

And with a wink, she turned and walked away, leaving Killian confused and sitting on the tub.

**AN: As always reviews keep me happy. Thank you for the feedback ^_^**


	18. Chapter 18 - Red light pages

**Red light pages**

**Hello All! This chapter comes with a warning - There are mentions of pornographic scenes. There is actually no pornography, but if you object even to its existence, please avoid this. **

"Emma? What is this… This abomination?"

Emma comes over from the bedroom to see Killian in front of the old laptop that she got him in the second-hand computer store, so he could read up on things that interested him, since he refuses to use the phone for anything other than calling ("Lass, I really can't see anything on this magic window. And it's hard do this 'swipe' thing with only one hand), and her eyebrows shoot up.

"Hook," despite the fact that she has not called him that in weeks, "Hook, why is there a video featuring naked women on the computer?" She is proud that her voice is steady and she is not seething in rage.

"That is what I wanted to ask you."

She raises her eye brow further.

"I was searching for 'intimate presents to get women' and got redirected to this atrocity." He seems to think for a moment and she sees his eyebrows shoot up. "Unless, of course, in this land this is the kind of present a lady wants?"

"Like you would ever care! You are probably used to being selfish and taking whatever you wanted. What does the virtue of women mean to you?"

There is a spark of anger in his eyes. "Do you want to rephrase that, Swan?"

"Don't all pirates kill, rape and pillage?" she asks, genuinely not thinking about the words that leave her mouth, and immediately feels guilty when she sees the hurt in his eyes.

"I hadn't always been a pirate, as you very well know, Princess." He turns away.

Silence falls over them for a moment, until he sighs and clearly decides to be the better man.

"So, care to enlighten me why people would post private moment, such as this, somewhere where even a child could see?"

She shrugs, not entirely sure how to answer that question. After all, how to explain the workings of the porn industry? She proceeds to give him a brief summary and explain to him that half the stuff is fake and involves a relatively well paid and policed industry (and it is, since it at least gives and honest attempt at preventing trafficking and abuse) and about things like sex tapes being leaked by celebrities vindictive exes.

During the whole time, he just sits there, occasionally asking questions. He surprises her by not leering once and only pointing out that he wants to learn, not disrespect anyone. The balloon incident springs to mind.

In the end, he gets up and thanks her, and starts closing down the various windows on the screen

"Oh, just so you know, Swan, yes, before I met her I would pay women for their company. No, I never touched anyone against their will. And I get that you think it's wrong, but ask yourself this - knowing the world that I grew in, do you truly think it is wrong? And do you not find that displaying the most intimate moments of a couple's life and using it as possible blackmail is certainly more wrong?" With that he shuts the lid and walks out of the room and Emma wonders if perhaps she not only misinterpreted everything, but has just deeply insulted him. He had, after all, at one point mentioned that he had been completely celibate since right after Milah's death, for about 300 years.

It is strange to think that a womaniser has morals or restraint.

* * *

Emma can't stop the giggles when she hears the sirens blaring, followed by Killian's patented girly scream. She comes out of the bathroom this time, wearing only a bathrobe, and looks at him, one eye brow raised.

The screen is flashing red, the noise is deafening and Killian looks like he has just been caught doing something he really should not have.

"It's not what it looks like."

It is EXACTLY what it looks like, since Emma had gone to the IT guy and specifically told him to not only put in a block on searches of certain words and combinations, but also asked him to install the appropriate sound effects and lights show.

"What did you type?"

"Silicon breasts."

The eyebrow goes higher.

"Why?"

"Because I want to understand why in the world women in this world insists on looking fake, emancipated and plastic!"

She tries to squish the little voice telling her that she is never going to find another man who tries to understand, and instead settles on convincing herself that he is like any man - interested, but confused by the local 'fashions'.

Out loud, she goes on to list exactly what words will trigger the alarm, and she is sure that he will strive to avoid the majority of them.

* * *

Killian had been doing remarkably well in the last few weeks, only setting off the alarm three times - twice by advert, which she is willing to forgive, and once by quite innocently pressing a link for a news article about the spread of HIV (she has the filter changed so he can at least read major news stories without recreating the sound effects of a Hollywood police car chase).

So when the alarm goes off on a Tuesday morning, she is sure that Killian does not know she is in (the station is being painted and she is going through some paperwork in her room).

Strangely, the noise is coming from downstairs.

Emma carefully comes down the stairs, stepping over the creaking one, intending to sneak up on the culprit. She steps around the wall into the living room, where the bells are coming from, and clears her throat.

And promptly freezes.

The person holding the laptop like a hot potato is not her strange pirating flatmate.

It's David.

Her father's face turns red extremely rapidly, becoming almost the same shade as the alerts flashing on the screen, once he realises just WHO caught him.

"I, I… I am just doing research?" The excuse sound weak even to her ears. "For your mother?"

Emma shudders at acquiring too much information as David realises his mistake and bolts from the room. She looks at the abandoned laptop, reaches for the oven glove, and closes the device using it, too distraught to go and find out what word search set the laptop off.

**AN: Thank you for your continued readership. You all make me very happy. I am currently coming house, but thankfully all of the story is written and backed up. Hopefully, even if I don't have the web, I ll be able to upload the last two chapters on Mondays at work. ^_^ **


	19. Chapter 19 - The Despicable Horror

**The despicable horror of black holes**

**Dedicated to: Worryingly Innocent, for your amazing help, support and incredible annoyance of my science talk.**

**AN: And we come to the weird science chapter. :) My parents are both engineers, and are both geniuses, so I grew up with my head contemplating what black holes are. I get carried away.**

**I would also like to point out that despite the fact that I am in a happy relationship, if Prof. Brian Cox wanted to be owned, I would happily oblige him. As it is, I have no claim on him or MythBusters. **

This particular day had started out as normal. There had been absolutely no indication that everything was about to change.

* * *

Several weeks before, Neal had, in a moment of forgiveness (and wanting to be forgiven) gifted Captain Jones a large, somewhat complicated, bulky and quite amazing telescope. It was clearly an apology for the many disagreements between the men, and a thanks for protecting Henry and Emma.

Contrary to quite a few people's expectations, he took to it like a fish took to water. Once he mastered the basics, he became very proficient with the device. When Emma asked him about it, he pointed out that he still was, strictly speaking, a captain of a pirate ship, and in order for him to make his choice of employment a success, he had to be able to navigate, particularly by the stars. This meant that he knew his way around a telescope or binoculars of any description.

Strangely, once he mastered the device, he became unnaturally interested in watching scientific programs. He could sit for hours in from of David Attenborough's programs, open mouthed, learning more about the world. He was particularly enthusiastic to discover MythBusters and the fact that he is not the only person in the world who makes things explode - there are others, and they do it on purpose.

So it is no surprise when he starts watching programs about space, seeing something shown and explained to him via the screen. At the end of the day he would run to the telescope and tinker with it and a sky map, looking at the objects he saw on the program, circled in a bright green on his papers.

Emma and the others get completely used to the exclamations of pure joy that come from the garden in those days - after all, each man must have a hobby, and compared to attempting to kill Mr Gold, this one is relatively benign.

This is probably the reason when that particular day happened, it was such a shock.

* * *

Killian had spent most of the day in the forest, helping the local ranger and Ruby maintain trees - that is to say, hanging about 20 meters above the ground, singing and chopping off dead branches. By the time he had come back, the sky was overcast, and it was clear that he would get no star gazing done. Instead, he settled down on the sofa with Mary Margaret and took her up on her invitation to watch a marathon of space programs.

It was about two hours in that they go to an episode featuring a man called Brian Cox - Snow seemed to go misty eyed at the sound of his voice, and she took away the remote from Killian, turning up the volume to the max.

Killian ignored Emma's mother's strange habits and instead chose to concentrate on what the Professor was saying. He talked about the strange (and very magical sounding) Big Bang, from where all the universe and stars came. He talked of how bits and pieces left over from the explosion formed stars, and then galaxies. He talked of parallel universes leaning on one another (this made sense, as they had all clearly come from one of these). He talked of things that Killian had never dreamed of, but still understood and marvelled at the beauty of. It gave him a true appreciation for the world that he lived in.

Some time during the early evening, Ruby had come in, and she too was with them, watching the program, mouth hanging slightly open while she took in the Professor's words.

Then the topic changed. Brian Cox started to elaborate on the nature of black holes.

These constructs of the universe sounded atrocious. Indiscriminately destroying stars and everything else around them, these things tearing apart everything in their way, laying waste to all before them. They were monsters with hearts darker than the Dark One.

And they had to be stopped.

* * *

Emma could barely walk by the time she came home. The day had been long. There had been an accident a few blocks off main street, caused by someone having a drink too many at lunch (it was Friday, but still! Drinking at 12 should be banned - Regina would likely be able to help there), followed by her running all over town helping Archie find Pongo (Ruby had been nowhere to be found). Just as she was about to head home Dr. Whale called her and reminded that she needed to interview a woman who may have fallen down the stairs, but could have been a victim of domestic violence. Emma had dutifully gone over only to find that the husband could not have hurt anyone since he had been in the mines the whole day and wife admitted to tripping over the cat. Any confusion she may have experienced would have been likely down to concussion.

So, in light of all of this, Emma did not take it well when she was practically run over by a pirate captain attempting to simultaneously put on his shoes, coat and run out of the door. Especially when he did not apologise.

Grabbing him, she help on when he tried to snake past her and swung his round to face her. He looked confused for a moment and stared though her for a few moments before he realised that she was in front of him. He immediately tried to side step her.

"Wait a moment, Mister. Where are you off in such a rush? What have you done?"

The answer surprised her.

"I need to go see Rumplestiltskin."

That was interesting. Since Belle's party and at all of their urging, the two men had reached a sort of truce. Neither had any desire to hurt each other any longer, but I was far from trust. And it was unlikely that Killian would seek Mr Gold's help out willingly.

"Ok, this must be serious. Tell me."

The man in front of her launched into a tirade. As he spoke, a rather interesting picture emerged and Emma had to restrain herself from laughing.

"So, this Cox was saying that there is a massive one only 27 years away, and it's in the middle of eating a star! We need to do something, or it will eat us up in the next 27 years!"

Emma dissolved into laughter, leaving a confused Killian in front of her.

"Oh Killian!" And that sets her off again. It takes her a few minutes to regain a straight face. "It won't reach us. The galaxy has existed for billions of years. It's not going to get eaten up in just a few decades!"

He thinks about it.

"They are invisible, right?" She nods. "And destroy everything, but only if there is something to see there?" Again, she nods.

He looks triumphant: "Then only Gold can defeat it." That one went right over her.

"Why?"

"What's to say there isn't one just a short distance away that is growing and will start eating our star in a few years?"

She has to concede that that argument is actually intelligent.

Seeing her hesitation, he finished putting his coat on, taking advantage of her distraction.

Just as he was about to go over to the pawn shop, and demand that Rumplestiltskin do something about the vile monsters lurking in the sky, he was distracted rather abruptly. So abruptly in fact, that it took him a few moments to figure out that the thing shutting him up was Emma's lips.

He pulled away, surprised.

"Lass?"

Emma managed to somehow look both exasperated and angry (probably at the interruption) and glowing, all at the same time. She glared at him with some affection and pulled him back down for a kiss.

Killian resisted.

"Fine. I've been thinking that I want to give this relationship a go. Mary Margaret trusts you, David no longer wants to punch you and Henry absolutely adores you. And you haven't tried to kill Gold recently."

There was a pause, and Killian prodded. "And you, Swan?"

She continued to glare at him for another couple of seconds before relenting. He arms tightened around his neck. "And I trust you too. And I end up sleeping on that sofa next to you at least once a week. I am onto you, by the way. No one can get trapped in it 4 times in three days after proving to me that they can get it to fold properly." Aware that she was rambling, she stopped, took a breath and tried again. "So, I was wondering if you wanted to try this… thing, whatever it is?"

"And?"

Silence. For a moment he was about to relent and take the terms offered, when Emma buried her face in his shoulder.

"And I care for you. You make me happy. I can't say more." She lifted her face once again to look into his eyes. "Maybe ask me in a few months. I can't guarantee that the answer will be different. But we can try."

We. Finally, there was light at the end of the 300 year old tunnel. Someone cared for him, and he too cared for them in return.

He responded by kissing his Emma enthusiastically. When they pulled back for air, Killian raised an eyebrow. "So, all I had to do to get this reaction from you was talk about seeing stars and black holes for a while?" Said eyebrow moved suggestively.

He really should have seen that, however light, punch coming.

The wall behind them erupted in giggles, followed by the sounds of Mary Margaret and Ruby and Henry being dragged away by David. The pirate captain hear the giddy proclamation of "Welcome to the family!" just before the women and child dissolved into more giggles. They could almost hear Charming roll his eyes.

* * *

It was needless to point out that the sofa bed never got any use out of it again.

**AN: Just one more to go folks! Tune in next week for the last episode of Hook being beaten, and occasionally embracing, tech. ^_^**


End file.
